In the Burns unit

The season of Burns Suppers is upon us, I used to just turn up, enjoy the speakers and eat and drink too much.  I’m involved in three this year, actually doing stuff.

This is surely a sign of growing maturity and that the Burns barrel is empty. The first was for a local charity (Kilbarchan General Society) and the Pipey was there along with Tweedie, the Medic,  James the Hat and Big Mick. In my capacity as Vice Preses (President) I was at the top table and as the room stood to receive their top table I looked at the Pipey, glanced at annurra bloke, misconstrued a nod and sallied out. Myself; to much hilarity I turned tail and fled back into the wings until Pipey led us all in. My duties for the evening included saying ‘Grace’ and the ‘Vote of Thanks’ but mostly going to the bar to keep the speakers glasses topped up. After the Supper it was back to mine as James the Hat smelt whisky and  a splendid evening drew to a close about 5am when my long suffering wife told us to be quiet but using shorter words in longer sentences. Thus inspire.

I thought I’d do this blog in rhyme
To tell about thon unco time
And not to try and undermine
Auld Rabbie’s craft
To tell of suppers braw and fine
and parties daft

The General Society
Invited us to have our tea
Pipey, James the Hat and me
Tweedie and Mick
Pipey played, his tea was free
A crafty trick

With haggis, neeps, steak pie and beer
And my Top Table premiere
It just gets better every year
Speakers and songs
Create a cheerful atmosphere
amid the throngs

I duly said the Selkirk Grace
My terror written on my face
Gripping the table just in case.
in a cold sweat
My first time speaking in this place
It’s evident

But after food and beer and cheese
with everybody at their ease
we cheered to Norrie’s expertise
On Rabbie’s tunes
Then Pipey gave his pipes a heez
And Andy croons

With jokes of some dubiety
We toasted the Society
Well noted for their piety
The parish round
Secured their notoriety.
In whisky drowned

Next up I had some piping work
At auld Kilbarchan Parish Kirk
A dry affair, I didnae shirk
Drank Irn Bru
A burnished soul the only perk
oh! chocolates too.

Tonight I toast the Lassies fair
with whisky club panache and flair
tomorrow I’ll need medicare
to slake my need
square sausage and the dogs wee hair
Oh ma heid.

The ladies have a girls only Mamma Mia night next friday, tickets from the Unelected Social Committee

They cannae wait..


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